will you go out with me? check yes or no.

so i'm about to embark on a camping trip with the folks i live with. the forecast is screaming at us, BEGGING us to not go... but we're not listening. we can thank natalie for that. she's dead set on doing this. i'm kind of a wimp and don't want to be out in the rain all weekend... but meh. what can you do? we'll make some good stories i'm sure. plus, we just need the time to be together & bond as a house. we've been living in the thomas house now for about a month. so far, so good... but it's been a bit of a struggle for most. just a lot of change & newness.

speaking of which. i have a girlfriend.

yeah, you heard me. did i stutter?

ha... sorry, i'm slightly excited.

so i haven't had a girlfriend in over 2 years. before that, i was dating like crazy... and dating crazy people. (hopefully no ex-girlfriends will be reading this...) ok so they weren't all crazy... maybe none of them were. maybe i was the crazy one for getting into relationships with girls i barely knew. i think early on, i had the right idea. i didn't just want to date around... i wanted to meet someone special. see if we clicked, become friends, start dating, fall in love, get married, have babies.

after i met a few girls that i was sure i was in love with & things didn't pan out, i decided things needed to change.

i needed to change my approach to dating.

no more waiting around for a girl that i really liked, that i could see myself with. nope. i was gonna stop being so "picky". and i wasn't gonna wait around & get to know the girl... that just ruins everything right? you can't let it slip into the "friend zone". cause then it just stays there... you gotta date right away before you know too much about each other! that's the ticket!!!

oh wait. that's a terrible idea.

too bad that's the approach i took for around 4 years. yikes... i got myself involved with girls i never should have been with. and the whole time i was hurting. searching for worth & acceptance in a kiss. and at first it would be good. but it never lasted very long... and i think i knew deep down that i shouldn't have dated them. but i didn't care. i was coasting. i was selfish. and that was that. until i finally woke up. i realized that not only was i hurting myself more by behaving this way, but i was hurting others as well. so i kissed dating goodbye for a time.

2 years later. i'm not perfect yet. DANG IT! ha... it's true... i still have things i'm wrestling with. i'm still learning more about myself & about the lord. but a couple things have changed. the most important being...

i got to a place in my life where i was ok with being single for the rest of my life.

i still really had a desire to meet someone... but i wasn't putting my hope in it anymore. i stopped searching for someone. if i met someone, great. if not, it doesn't define me. i am a child of god. i have a beautiful family & community of people around me. i learned to be happy without being "with" somebody.

and then wouldn't you know it... i met someone.

her name is amanda. she is wonderful. i'm tempted to just go on & on about how great she is & how much i like her... but do any of you really want to listen to me ramble about that? i doubt it... so we'll just leave it at this:

i know who she is. she is a beautiful woman that loves the lord & i like her a whole lot :)

pray for us if you think to. this is new territory for both of us. we live together in a community house with 6 other folks which presents a whole set of interesting things to work through. but we're up for the challenge.

thanks for listening y'all. good times ahead :)

asheville

hello good folks of blog land! i write you today from the wonderfully interesting town of asheville, NC! my friends jessie & justin and i drove out here on thursday & we head back home today... a nice long 17 hour drive :)

we're visiting our friends sarah & johnny. they've been living here for quite a bit now and they love it. beautiful mountains everywhere, quirky shops & quirky people to fill them. i love asheville too! this is my second time out & each time proves to be fun, stretching, and encouraging all at once. this is jessie and justin's first time here & they've had a really good time from what i can tell. they've become dear friends of mine over this last year. i grew up with jessie at our church's youth ministry & we've always been able to have such great conversations about life & the lord. she ended up moving out to canada to attend university. that's where she met justin, her husband. this guy is definitely the coolest guy i've ever met! haha.. his style is so unique and his personality is really chill & laid back and he has a cool perspective of the world that i really appreciate. basically i have a big man crush on him. i suppose it's a similar story with sarah & johnny. minus the man crush. sorry johnny... no offense. sarah and i grew up together. she's been a huge influence in my life over the years. i feel like she played a significant role in "tuning" my musical talents... i guess you could say she was an inspiration of sorts. she met her husband johnny at a conference called "one thing". it was love at first sight! if my memory serves me, i believe they got married less than a year later. johnny is one of those guys that is really easy to get along with. it's like he's on a mission to have a good time & make sure everyone else is having a good time too.

so here i am. surrounded by people that i love in a beautiful little town. and i can't wait to get home.

don't get me wrong. i'm soaking it in. and i'm truly enjoying myself here. but there's a girl back home.

more on that later :)

yesterday we got to visit sarah & johnny's church. i got to lead worship with them which was such a joy to do!!! definitely a highlight of the trip for me. i love being able to connect with folks following jesus in other places in the world. after the service we got to sit down with the leadership of the church & they told us about their plans to move to a different building, stop having "services" and start being a community together in a neighborhood. this all sounded strangely familiar.

it was such an honor to be a part of the conversation... they wanted to hear all about what we were doing back home with thirdway & if we had any advice to extend to them about their community. it just felt like the kingdom. different faith communities trying to figure out how to live together & sharing stories. it seems like we share the same heart, which makes it so much easier to understand the idea of "the body".

well... in a few hours we'll take off for hot springs to spend the afternoon enjoying each other & creation.

then it's home sweet home.

things are looking up

this might be another short entry because it's currently 4:05am. i've been up writing material for a comedy night at echo(the student ministry that i work for) tomorrow night & i still have more to write. ugh... being funny isn't easy. and unfortunately for me, my creative juices don't start flowing until the wee hours of the night/morning... i will say though... so far, so good. not to toot my own horn, but... TOOT! i'll post a video from the evening here at some point so you can all share in the laughter.

ok... so this is the first week in the thomas house & things are going splendid! i live here with ricky, natalie, amanda, paul, bill, pearl & joey. ha... one BIG happy family! the folks living over in the hamline house right now are rudy, kevin, marco, anna, terrie & wesley. it doesn't hit me how many flippin' people live in these houses until i list them all off at once! haha... but yeah, things are so different today than they were two years ago when we started all this. this year has been especially hard, but especially good. i think for the past 8 months it's felt like we've been trying to sprint through mud up to our chins. stuck. confused. frustrated. doubting everything. and in an effort to stay alive we dedicated most of our time to devising plans to rescue ourselves from sinking rather than turning to the saving one. a couple months ago we all sat down and asked the question, "are we even capable of having these conversations or living this life together when we don't even trust each other?" i think that was a turning point for us. nothing immediately got better. but our posture towards one another changed. we began to believe the best about each other. we extended one another the benefit of the doubt. the mud slowly began to subside & we started to see things a bit more clearly. about a month ago, i felt hopeful & truly happy. & i hadn't felt those things for a long time.

this week has been one of the best weeks of my life.

thank you lord.

new beginnings

well we just spent the day moving our things around in a massive house swap. i've been living in the hamline house for almost 2 years & now i'm moving next door into the thomas house.

this is different.

but sometimes you need a change of scenery & a sense of freshness in life.

i'm hoping that's what this will serve as. a fresh start with 2 years experience under our belts.

and i don't even wear a belt.

groundswell

so i'm hanging out at groundswell, the neighborhood coffee shop that my the folks in my community decided to buy. i freaking love it here. when we first moved into this neighborhood, it was called j & s bean factory & it was run by a bunch of really cool folks. but it ended up getting sold to someone else who didn't quite know what they were getting themselves into... folks in the neighborhood stopped coming... they even formed a boycott against the shop. the employees all quit & it pretty much turned into a wasteland. BUT, then we (the good folks at thirdway) started dreaming about buying this shop & making it about the neighborhood again.

so we thought & prayed and as time passed it became more & more clear that we should pursue it. and wouldn't you know it, today we are about 4 months into the mix of things. my buddy jeremy is the manager & the folks that i live with all volunteer to help run the shop. we painted, renamed the shop, went back to the j & s beans and a lot of the folks from the neighborhood started coming back :)

haha... i don't know why i've been plugging things in my last 2 posts, but you should swing in if you're in the area! we're located on the corner of hamline & thomas avenue in st. paul. i'm sure you'll be greeted with a smile & a friendly hello :)

clear

so did i tell you that i slapped together a cd? i made it on a macbook, but the sound quality actually turned out alright :)

clear is a bunch of songs i wrote to the lord.

here are some of the lyrics...

*clear*

this life so far is beating me down & i can't see anything but the ground i'm walking on.

this life so far is more than i can bare & i can't feel anything but the air i'm breathing in.

and where's the strength that jesus said i'd have?

and where's the saint that jesus says i am?

i can't see things very clear, i need your eyes, i needs your ears to hear.

oh god i need your heart & it's clear to me now.

when things are looking, looking oh so bad, i'm supposed to put on a happy face & pretend that i'm glad, but i'm not glad.

and where's the joy that jesus said i'd have?

and where's the saint that jesus says i am?

*shield*

oh lord, how many are my foes? how many rise up against me? many are saying of me that god will not deliver him.

but you are a shield all around me.

you are a shield all around me.

you are a shield all around me.

you are a shield all around me.

i lay down my head and sleep. i wake because the lord sustains me.

& i won't fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side.

arise oh lord, arise.

the lord is my strength & he lifts up my head.

to the lord i cry aloud & he answers me from his holy hill.

i won't fear cause you are with me lord.

funny thing...

mmmmmm... christianne! it's been too long my sister! so glad to hear from you! :)

alright, well now that the tacos have been devoured & everyone has wandered off to bed, i think i can find some more words to share.

i was just reading the last post i wrote on thanksgiving. i remember that thanksgiving quite vividly because of bill. a man who i'd just met through my friend nate. i was moved by the story of how nate met bill & how bill was welcomed into our thanksgiving feast & it really was a beautiful thing.

funny thing...

it's been over a year since that thanksgiving & i haven't seen bill more than 2 times in different random social settings.

tonight, after dinner was over, we had a house discussion about a man named bill. he's been living in a local church for i don't know how long & is apparently going to have to leave the beginning of april. no job. no place to go.

this is where the rubber meets the road kids.

we talk an awful lot around the hamline house. we talk about social justice & peace. we talk about simplicity & sharing. we also talk about hospitality. but practicing these things are COMPLETELY different than talking about them. our first year we had several different folks come stay with us at the hamline house. we had a pretty strong sense that part of what we were called to do was take in folks that needed a place to stay if we had the room. but we soon found out that even though we had physical space in our home, we were lacking in so many other ways. most of the situations led to frustration & confusion shared by everyone involved & ended in relief when it was all over. that's the truth. it looked so good on paper!

yet... i wouldn't take any of it back.

i really feel that we were doing what we felt called to do. we were faced with a choice. someone needs a place to stay & we have extra space. things didn't always go exactly the way we thought they would... but that's life right? sometimes when you stop to lend someone a helping hand, it can put you right in harm's way. it might be safer to just keep walking & not make eye contact. but i suppose we didn't sign up for safe when we decided to follow jesus. did we.

so i ask for your prayers as we consider inviting bill to come live with us. we don't know all the details yet & we're still praying & talking about what it would mean for all of us, but so far, it's unanimous. that would make 7 in the hamline house & 7 in the thomas house. oh yeah, did i mention we started a 2nd house this year? :) more on that another time.

sleepy time. thanks for listening. remember to pray for us if you think of it.