engaged

last year i proposed to my amazing girlfriend the day she returned from a month long trip to india. i had spent the weeks leading up to her return realizing that i wanted to marry her & trying to scramble & plan a surprise proposal. it was completely rushed & i was about 50% sure that she wasn't going to be ready yet, but it didn't matter. I finally knew that she was the only person I ever wanted to be with for the rest of my life and i needed her to know it. so i got a ring that i felt she would love & slapped together a proposal video journal and went for it.

turns out she wasn't quite ready.

this last year of waiting together for the right time has been a complete gift. I'm so glad i'm going to marry someone who will always be honest with me, even when it's incredibly hard to do so.

that's right! last week she returned the favor & proposed to me in such a fun, creative, meaningful way. a scavenger hunt to several landmark moments in our relationship, ending in a proposal & surprise engagement party with our church community & family. i was so blessed by every moment. so now i'm officially engaged to my beautiful fiancé!

i'm the luckiest.

27

this is the year of 27 for me. like i said in my last post... i'm 27 years old. i've lost 27 lbs... and in an hour or so, i'll have 27 teeth.


kinda crazy.


say a little prayer for me.


pictures to come soon!

growing pains

i feel like a totally different person lately. like i've lost a little bit of who i am. but the parts i'm losing need to go. they've needed to go for a long time now. and it's not just physical things like fat & decay. there are things beneath the service that are slowly melting away. greed. laziness. hardness towards god. i've been finding myself wanting to be more generous. i feel highly motivated. i'm starting to "feel" god like i used to when i was young. i'm just so glad for everything that the lord is bringing me through right now. more than ever, i feel that i'm becoming the man he's created me to be. but it kinda hurts!


today i made my 2nd trip to the dentist. had to get 2 fillings and i actually received some good news! they were concerned that these particular cavities had high potential of becoming root canals. but after removing the decay, they found that they weren't deep enough for root canal procedures. whew! that's a weight off my mind. so... 2 cavities down, 10 to go. AND next week i get to have a tooth extracted. my poor mouth. but hey, it's progress! and even though my mouth is a bit sore, i'm just SO relieved to be getting all of this taken care of now.


on a related note, i'm moving out of the 4plex i've been living in for the last year. i've decided that with all these dental expenses coming up, it might be good to move back home with my amazing parents & save some money. it's been an awesome year living here & i'm really going to miss it in so many ways. i have great roomies & great housemates. but this is also a year to start preparing for the next phase of my relationship with my girlfriend, amanda. don't get too excited! nothing's official yet. but we've been talking about it & i've decided it wouldn't be a bad idea to start saving up for a future wedding & all that comes along with that... who knows... could happen anytime :)


i just turned 27. and guess what folks? that is the amount of pounds i've lost so far! still have a long way to go, but i'm celebrating more than just another year of life... i'm celebrating the years i'm potentially adding to my life(with god's help). i had to buy a belt cause my pants are falling down. i can run almost 4 miles on the elliptical(when i started, it was really hard to do a mile). i just did a 4 day juice fast with manda. didn't particularly enjoy all of it, but i did it.


i honestly don't think i look that different yet. but i am different.


it must be permanent.

new look

so i figured since i'm going through so many changes right now, it'd make sense to give the blog a little tweak. the symbols sort of reflect what i'm focused on right now in life & i thought it was about time to update some of the pictures on the side bar as well as the list of blogs to check out. i'll write an ACTUAL update soon.


till then. peace!

tooth hurty

my friend jeremy recently asked me if that's what time my surgery was scheduled and if they were going to get to the root of the problem. heh...


well good news. the surgery went well and i'm on the mend! my mouth has been a bit sore & stiff... but there hasn't been much swelling at all and i haven't had too hard of a time eating. i'm just so glad this is all getting taken care of... and if that surgery was the worst of it, than i guess you could say it's all downhill from here. (ever since i saw the movie due date i've been confused about that saying)


if you haven't heard yet, i recently started a music blog with my friend jessica. it's called sound of souls. you should check it out if you have time.


merry christmas!

all i want for christmas is tooth #30...

i'm getting surgery on monday. this is an actual picture of my failed root canal. you can kind of see on the right side of the highlighted tooth a dark line running down the root. that's where it got all jacked up. apparently the specialist thinks that there are fragments of a root canal instrument that broke off in the root & caused the failure/infection. bummer.


looks like i'm gonna have a swollen face for christmas.


even though it's somewhat sucky... the bright side is, they don't have to pull my tooth! in 3 months when the surgery is healed, i'll get a crown and be done with all this madness!


thanks for the prayers y'all!

daniel before the endodontic specialist...

so today i get to see an endodontic specialist. they're going to give me a consultation on my failed root canal. $100 just to look at is & see if they can fix it. if they can, it'll cost around $2,500... if they can't, i lose the tooth... tough choice. i guess i'm hoping they can fix it. nobody wants to lose a tooth. ugh...


we'll see what happens i suppose. pray for me y'all!

daniel after the dentist

so i went to the dentist.
it didn't go as well as i'd hoped. my mouth is pretty jacked up.
that root canal that i had 5 or so years ago... it failed... so i need to get it repaired. and if they can't fix it, it has to get pulled. i have another tooth in the far back that needs to get pulled as well. not to mention i have 12 cavities ($300/cavity).


how's that for a reality check?


i'm still really glad i went. even though my fears were basically fully realized... i'm changing. things are bad right now, but they're gonna get better. i'll just have to add flossing to the ever-growing list of health changes i need to make... and a lot of those changes have already been made. i just finished a turkey sandwich jam-packed with spinach, cucumbers, tomatoes & green peppers and i'm about to take off to the ywca for some running with my beautiful girlfriend.


see? things aren't so bad.

daniel before the dentist

so... i'm going to the dentist today... and i'm decently nervous. mostly because the last time i went to the dentist i had to get a root canal.. and that was like 5 or so years ago. it's just been one of those things that i've always been afraid of for some reason. same thing with the doctor. i've had health care for the last 3 years and i haven't even used it.


until now.


when i was a kid, i got teased a lot about my weight. and it made me HATE going to school. honestly, i tried staying home "sick" at least once a week. i'm pretty sure that was really hard for my parents... having a child wake them up once a week pretending to be sick, but refusing to be honest & admit what was truly wrong.


as i've gotten older, people have become more polite than my former classmates. nobody teases me about my weight. could you imagine if they did?! how terribly rude! but the problem is actually... people don't talk about it... at all. it's like my body is a secret everyone is trying to keep from me so that my feelings won't be hurt. and i have LOVED the comfort of that place. it's honestly helped me to become more confident in who i am... but it's also helped me to become comfortable with being "the way" i am.


i've decided that it's time to stop being afraid of hearing what's true about me. specifically about my body.


i'm unhealthy.


but i've also decided that it's time to stop being unhealthy.


i went to the doctor's office the day after thanksgiving to establish health care... and my doctor (my friend jason como) was refreshingly honest with me & told me i need to lose weight. that didn't come as a huge surprise to me... but what did is that apparently i am technically "morbidly obese". those words... that honesty.. it really impacted me.


i had already downloaded an app called "calorie counter" that my good friend damaris recommended to me. i had used it a couple times just to get an idea of how many calories i take in when i'm not trying to do anything different. well, dr. como gave me a game plan to follow for how many calories i should take in to be more healthy, and this app has been SO helpful! i cut out soda & i also got a membership at the ywca right down the road from where i live. i've been trying to go there & run any chance i get. i've already lost 10 lbs and i have more energy lately.


i'm excited to see where this goes. who knows... maybe this trip to the dentist will bring something good into my world.

fog & god

this past weekend i was at a friend's cabin. on sunday morning i woke up randomly at 7:30. couldn't fall back asleep. i sat up & looked out the window at the lake. there was a thick layer of fog covering it & i felt like it was calling to me. so i grabbed my i-pod & ran down to the dock & just sat for a while.

after a while of silence i threw on some aaron strumpel vespers & just opened myself up to the lord. the first song i listened to is called "used to". beautiful lyrics.

"won't you talk to me

like you used to

like you used to

when i was young"

it really hit home for me. i miss god. so strange to miss someone who's always been right there...

as i stared out where the lake and the fog blend together, i felt like i was looking at god. like he was staring into my eyes.

another quick one...

dear blog,

sorry blog. you've been neglected for so long and i'm only tossing you scraps. life is busy and i haven't had time to write about it. though, soon we will spend some quality time together. i promise.

alright... now that THAT'S out of the way...

2 things.

1. why am i so stupid?!

now... some of you will quickly run to my defense. "danny, you're not stupid! you're stupid for SAYING you're stupid!"

just here me out though... the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I DO THIS!

maybe not all the time... but enough to notice.

so i had an embarrassing moment yesterday. i won't get into all the details, but let's just say i wish there was a rewind button for life sometimes. but... as we all know, there isn't. and so life goes on, but i was struck in this moment of embarrassment how amanda was so... loving & accepting. it was ok. it was a strange feeling because normally if i'm embarrassed about something it's because of something i did or a part of who i am... i feel like i can't change it and i feel trapped by it and i just want to run & hide.

but not with her.

things with amanda are going quite well these days. we made it past the one year mark and that's a first for me :)

alright... on to #2.

2. we live in a crazy world.

i woke up today to find people celebrating death. osama bin laden was killed last night. people are going back & forth about whether it was right or wrong and blah blah blah... but i found these two quotes to be quite profound in the midst of it all.

"Through violence you may murder the hater,
but you do not murder hate.
In fact, violence merely increases hate.
So it goes.
Returning violence for violence multiplies violence,
...adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness:
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."
-Martin Luther King Jr.

"I've had the nastiest taste in my mouth for the past 14 hours. The all out elation and joy that has come from a bullet being driven into a mans head is creepy to me. I get it. He's an EXTREMELY evil man, but the celebrating that's going on goes against everything inside me. What a weird day. I can't wait for this to be over."

-Joey Churchill

that's all for now. till' next time.

late!

ok... so honestly. it's not THAT late...

i've definitely stayed up much later than 1:30am, but i've also just had a really long weekend... so i'm feeling it a bit more tonight.

i'll have to make this quick...

i have THE most amazing girlfriend. i'm glad i can just be myself around her.

whew.

glad i got that off my chest.

more tomorrow.

night.

holy $%#!

so it's 6 months today. this is what i woke up to. my girlfriend is amazing.

i think i have my work cut out for me... how am i ever gonna top this? a bunch of post it notes of her thoughts about me.

happy 6 month manda.

and what an amazing 6 months it has been.

i have a dream (or at least i had one)

we're a few months into our third year doing this intentional community house thing. i am amazed at what the lord has done. i honestly could not have guessed we would be where we are today. in fact, this is QUITE different than i thought it would be.

when we were first starting the hamline house, there was this momentum & energy behind everything. it was so clear to us that the lord was doing something & that something was significant. it only took a few months to actually move into a house & get some other people on board with our little seed of a dream.

i have very fond memories of our first year in the hamline house. don't get me wrong, it was definitely hard at times. learning to live intentionally with a bunch of people that all have lots of different ideas about how things should be. learning so much about hospitality to friends & strangers. breaking up fights right outside our front door (that only happened once). but for the most part i look back on our first year and i feel warmth. i feel family. natalie, ricky, sarah, heather, jamal, zac, greg and me.

towards the end of our first year, there was more momentum, more energy and more people! some close friends of mine (a married couple) had been living across the street from us & decided they wanted to give community living a try. a young man found us on the internet and wanted to come live with us. we had enough folks interested in moving in that we started a second house called the thomas house. we were even closer to reaching the dream.

this last year has completely kicked my butt. i think we changed our structure like 5 or 6 times throughout the year, got rid of the leadership, switched people into different houses, re-elected leadership, split the houses, got rid of the leadership again and hurt a lot of people in the process. my married friends moved out before the year was up. they left feeling wounded & lost. i think in some ways that's how we all felt.

a month ago ricky moved out. that was really hard for me. we have become really close over the last two years and him moving out felt like failure to me. we had made a lot of mistakes along the way, but this was the first time i felt like i'd failed. in a couple of days the guy who found us on the internet will be moving out. i remember when he first moved in how happy he was. full of life & excitement & passion. he's leaving us broken, depressed & alone.

the past few days i've been playing home videos in my head of our first year together. looking back over the footage & smiling. remembering happier days when the dream god had given us was being cared for.

since yesterday all i've been dreaming about is what it would be like to live somewhere else.

but i can't help but wonder if god's not quite done with me. here. in this place. yet.

i can't help but wonder if god's dream for these houses is still alive.

still here whispering in my ear to not give up. to not lose hope.

lord have mercy on me.

howard

so i'm back from west virginia. i spent 4 days in a row working a demolition site. it was ridiculously hard work. you wouldn't think it would be... like oh yeah, let's just knock down some walls! but no... it takes SO LONG to demolish a trailer! holy crap... by the 3rd day, i didn't think i was gonna make it... but here i am. i definitely stepped on a nail... am i up to date on my tetanus shots? hmmmm... probably something to look into i suppose.

we got to have lunch everyday with an elderly fellow named howard. he would tell us stories of his life... working in the coal mines, going to war, growing up in macdowell county & falling in love with his wife dorothy as we rested in the shade on his front porch eating our bagged lunches. we made an extra sandwich for him every day. on our last day with howard, i brought my guitar & we sang some songs for him. he said it reminded him of a radio station he used to listen to that played music. he began to cry, telling us how much of a blessing we were to him & how he doesn't really get to talk to people anymore. his wife died & his daughter only comes around when she needs something. it was incredibly hard to leave knowing that he wouldn't have company for lunch the next day.

mountain momma

"country roads take me home to the place i belong. west virginia. mountain momma. take me home. country roads." john denver

thanks john. you took the words right out of my mouth. in about 5 hours i'll be leaving for west virginia for a week. i'll be one of 7 leaders taking a group of about 20 some students on a missions trip.

and the crazy thing is, i just got back from a youth retreat about 12 hours ago.

i'm feeling a bit crazy, but also quite happy. the lord has been doing some amazing things the past few days with these students. my heart feels heavy & full with love. i'm excited to see what comes next.

just breathe

hey y'all... it's been a bit of a rough month. just a big roller coaster of emotions & changes. and the thing that i'm most afraid of has been creeping its way into my life: getting burnt out.

so i’m off at a cabin in jackson this weekend & the drive here was a great time for reflection. i drove for about 3-4 hours & threw on some aaron strumpel tunes. i really let the songs sink in deep. and as i was singing & looking out at the sky, i just began to weep. i felt like the lord was reopening my heart towards him & all the things that he cares about. i was remembering just how beautiful jesus’ way of life is.

i need to be spending more time in solitude with god so that i actually have something valuable to bring back to community. my love for other people, myself, simplicity, sharing, peace & service are all going to be fueled by & pour out of a real relationship with the lord.

vespers 1 & 2

so aaron strumpel came out with a new album this week and it is nothing short of inspiring. his creativity continues to evolve with each new work. many of the songs are like modern hymns.

please.

do yourself a favor.

click the link and go buy vespers 1 & 2.

it's only $5.

you could go get a value meal at burger king for that price.

this is far more valuable.

happy one month

well kids... today marks one freaking month.

it's weird because in some ways it feels like we've been dating WAY longer than a month... and in other ways it feels like, "dang! it's already been a month?"

good times, y'all.

some of you are probably starting to gag.

"is this blog just gonna be updates on this kid's love life?! screw this."

HEY! screw you! ok, wait... that was a little harsh. i'm sorry. listen... here's the thing. this girl i've been dating for the last month... she's (in the words of my mother) "sweet as pie. maybe sweeter."

so true momma. so FREAKING true.

so you see, i can't help but gush about her every little chance i get. especially here... the place where i come to blurt out all my thoughts. so just DEAL WITH IT!

k?

k.

happy one month manda.

and what a happy month it was.

enjoy these pictures from our 1 month celebration!

we invited marco to join in on the fun too :)

another sleepless night

wow... i do not understand why i can't sleep at night. sometimes i wonder if i was meant to live on the other side of the world where my night would be day. hmmmmm... nope. i'd probably find a way to switch my schedule around & stay up till ungodly hours of the night. there IS something about being awake this late (4:15am) though... so quiet & peaceful. my mind just comes to life. sometimes the day is so filled with stuff that i don't even think. i just shift into auto-pilot. which can be a good thing, and a bad thing. i was hanging out with manda earlier & i asked her what was on her mind. after she got done explaining, she asked me the same thing. and i realized at that moment that absolutely NOTHING was on my mind. again... not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. it felt kind of strange though... like, "am i dumb or something? i'm not even thinking right now. i'm just... here." but on the other hand i was able to really be present in that moment... i didn't have a billion things running through my mind. no....

i save that for the wee hours of the night :)

well here we go... my late night blurt session where i blurt out all the things that are on my mind!

common purse

yeah... so my roomies and i are starting a common purse. we are going to have one bank account between the 5 of us. we went to the bank today & started the process in motion... so crazy. i'm really excited though! this is such a huge step for us... in trust, discipline, sharing & love! DANG! this is going to change everything... i think this is the reason i originally moved into the hamline house. i was thinking about how i've always been taken care of and how i've always had more than enough. yet, there are people in the world who have nowhere near enough. for me, something was terribly wrong with this picture. and i had a hope that moving in with a bunch of other folks that were trying to learn more about what it means to follow jesus & to love people would help. well... here we are almost 2 years later and we're just now doing something about that. i mean, we've made some pretty significant changes to how we spend our time and money... but nothing like this. the people i live with are becoming my new family in every way. nobody will have too much and nobody will have too little. it's a beautiful thing :)

reba place

we have some folks visiting us this weekend from reba place, a community in chicago that's been around for 50+ years. this is super exciting too! natalie has totally done all the work of arranging this & making it possible and i don't think i've fully appreciated it until today. these folks are coming to have conversations with everyone from thirdway to help grow into the beautiful community that god wants us to be. they are going to help us see into the health of our community & give us advice & encouragement and they have the wisdom & experience to back it up. i have a feeling that this is going to be a huge blessing for us.

manda

oh come on... i know you're all just dying to hear more juicy details about the new lady in my life! haha... well again, i don't wanna just rant on & on about how much i like her (A LOT) and how beautiful she is (VERY) and how great things are going (AMAZING)... but hey what the heck! i like her a whole lot, she is smokin' hot (a healthy catch), and i couldn't be more happy. honestly. i couldn't. we fit together. it's corny to say, but all things corny are coming to mind and it's true!

we had out first kiss.

it was so special, and scary, and perfect.

the way a first kiss should be.

this one's a keeper folks.

sleep

it's time for me to sleep. sooooooooo late.

i love you blog fam!

night!