daniel before the endodontic specialist...

so today i get to see an endodontic specialist. they're going to give me a consultation on my failed root canal. $100 just to look at is & see if they can fix it. if they can, it'll cost around $2,500... if they can't, i lose the tooth... tough choice. i guess i'm hoping they can fix it. nobody wants to lose a tooth. ugh...


we'll see what happens i suppose. pray for me y'all!

daniel after the dentist

so i went to the dentist.
it didn't go as well as i'd hoped. my mouth is pretty jacked up.
that root canal that i had 5 or so years ago... it failed... so i need to get it repaired. and if they can't fix it, it has to get pulled. i have another tooth in the far back that needs to get pulled as well. not to mention i have 12 cavities ($300/cavity).


how's that for a reality check?


i'm still really glad i went. even though my fears were basically fully realized... i'm changing. things are bad right now, but they're gonna get better. i'll just have to add flossing to the ever-growing list of health changes i need to make... and a lot of those changes have already been made. i just finished a turkey sandwich jam-packed with spinach, cucumbers, tomatoes & green peppers and i'm about to take off to the ywca for some running with my beautiful girlfriend.


see? things aren't so bad.

daniel before the dentist

so... i'm going to the dentist today... and i'm decently nervous. mostly because the last time i went to the dentist i had to get a root canal.. and that was like 5 or so years ago. it's just been one of those things that i've always been afraid of for some reason. same thing with the doctor. i've had health care for the last 3 years and i haven't even used it.


until now.


when i was a kid, i got teased a lot about my weight. and it made me HATE going to school. honestly, i tried staying home "sick" at least once a week. i'm pretty sure that was really hard for my parents... having a child wake them up once a week pretending to be sick, but refusing to be honest & admit what was truly wrong.


as i've gotten older, people have become more polite than my former classmates. nobody teases me about my weight. could you imagine if they did?! how terribly rude! but the problem is actually... people don't talk about it... at all. it's like my body is a secret everyone is trying to keep from me so that my feelings won't be hurt. and i have LOVED the comfort of that place. it's honestly helped me to become more confident in who i am... but it's also helped me to become comfortable with being "the way" i am.


i've decided that it's time to stop being afraid of hearing what's true about me. specifically about my body.


i'm unhealthy.


but i've also decided that it's time to stop being unhealthy.


i went to the doctor's office the day after thanksgiving to establish health care... and my doctor (my friend jason como) was refreshingly honest with me & told me i need to lose weight. that didn't come as a huge surprise to me... but what did is that apparently i am technically "morbidly obese". those words... that honesty.. it really impacted me.


i had already downloaded an app called "calorie counter" that my good friend damaris recommended to me. i had used it a couple times just to get an idea of how many calories i take in when i'm not trying to do anything different. well, dr. como gave me a game plan to follow for how many calories i should take in to be more healthy, and this app has been SO helpful! i cut out soda & i also got a membership at the ywca right down the road from where i live. i've been trying to go there & run any chance i get. i've already lost 10 lbs and i have more energy lately.


i'm excited to see where this goes. who knows... maybe this trip to the dentist will bring something good into my world.

fog & god

this past weekend i was at a friend's cabin. on sunday morning i woke up randomly at 7:30. couldn't fall back asleep. i sat up & looked out the window at the lake. there was a thick layer of fog covering it & i felt like it was calling to me. so i grabbed my i-pod & ran down to the dock & just sat for a while.

after a while of silence i threw on some aaron strumpel vespers & just opened myself up to the lord. the first song i listened to is called "used to". beautiful lyrics.

"won't you talk to me

like you used to

like you used to

when i was young"

it really hit home for me. i miss god. so strange to miss someone who's always been right there...

as i stared out where the lake and the fog blend together, i felt like i was looking at god. like he was staring into my eyes.

another quick one...

dear blog,

sorry blog. you've been neglected for so long and i'm only tossing you scraps. life is busy and i haven't had time to write about it. though, soon we will spend some quality time together. i promise.

alright... now that THAT'S out of the way...

2 things.

1. why am i so stupid?!

now... some of you will quickly run to my defense. "danny, you're not stupid! you're stupid for SAYING you're stupid!"

just here me out though... the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I DO THIS!

maybe not all the time... but enough to notice.

so i had an embarrassing moment yesterday. i won't get into all the details, but let's just say i wish there was a rewind button for life sometimes. but... as we all know, there isn't. and so life goes on, but i was struck in this moment of embarrassment how amanda was so... loving & accepting. it was ok. it was a strange feeling because normally if i'm embarrassed about something it's because of something i did or a part of who i am... i feel like i can't change it and i feel trapped by it and i just want to run & hide.

but not with her.

things with amanda are going quite well these days. we made it past the one year mark and that's a first for me :)

alright... on to #2.

2. we live in a crazy world.

i woke up today to find people celebrating death. osama bin laden was killed last night. people are going back & forth about whether it was right or wrong and blah blah blah... but i found these two quotes to be quite profound in the midst of it all.

"Through violence you may murder the hater,
but you do not murder hate.
In fact, violence merely increases hate.
So it goes.
Returning violence for violence multiplies violence,
...adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness:
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."
-Martin Luther King Jr.

"I've had the nastiest taste in my mouth for the past 14 hours. The all out elation and joy that has come from a bullet being driven into a mans head is creepy to me. I get it. He's an EXTREMELY evil man, but the celebrating that's going on goes against everything inside me. What a weird day. I can't wait for this to be over."

-Joey Churchill

that's all for now. till' next time.

late!

ok... so honestly. it's not THAT late...

i've definitely stayed up much later than 1:30am, but i've also just had a really long weekend... so i'm feeling it a bit more tonight.

i'll have to make this quick...

i have THE most amazing girlfriend. i'm glad i can just be myself around her.

whew.

glad i got that off my chest.

more tomorrow.

night.

holy $%#!

so it's 6 months today. this is what i woke up to. my girlfriend is amazing.

i think i have my work cut out for me... how am i ever gonna top this? a bunch of post it notes of her thoughts about me.

happy 6 month manda.

and what an amazing 6 months it has been.