i have a dream (or at least i had one)

we're a few months into our third year doing this intentional community house thing. i am amazed at what the lord has done. i honestly could not have guessed we would be where we are today. in fact, this is QUITE different than i thought it would be.

when we were first starting the hamline house, there was this momentum & energy behind everything. it was so clear to us that the lord was doing something & that something was significant. it only took a few months to actually move into a house & get some other people on board with our little seed of a dream.

i have very fond memories of our first year in the hamline house. don't get me wrong, it was definitely hard at times. learning to live intentionally with a bunch of people that all have lots of different ideas about how things should be. learning so much about hospitality to friends & strangers. breaking up fights right outside our front door (that only happened once). but for the most part i look back on our first year and i feel warmth. i feel family. natalie, ricky, sarah, heather, jamal, zac, greg and me.

towards the end of our first year, there was more momentum, more energy and more people! some close friends of mine (a married couple) had been living across the street from us & decided they wanted to give community living a try. a young man found us on the internet and wanted to come live with us. we had enough folks interested in moving in that we started a second house called the thomas house. we were even closer to reaching the dream.

this last year has completely kicked my butt. i think we changed our structure like 5 or 6 times throughout the year, got rid of the leadership, switched people into different houses, re-elected leadership, split the houses, got rid of the leadership again and hurt a lot of people in the process. my married friends moved out before the year was up. they left feeling wounded & lost. i think in some ways that's how we all felt.

a month ago ricky moved out. that was really hard for me. we have become really close over the last two years and him moving out felt like failure to me. we had made a lot of mistakes along the way, but this was the first time i felt like i'd failed. in a couple of days the guy who found us on the internet will be moving out. i remember when he first moved in how happy he was. full of life & excitement & passion. he's leaving us broken, depressed & alone.

the past few days i've been playing home videos in my head of our first year together. looking back over the footage & smiling. remembering happier days when the dream god had given us was being cared for.

since yesterday all i've been dreaming about is what it would be like to live somewhere else.

but i can't help but wonder if god's not quite done with me. here. in this place. yet.

i can't help but wonder if god's dream for these houses is still alive.

still here whispering in my ear to not give up. to not lose hope.

lord have mercy on me.

howard

so i'm back from west virginia. i spent 4 days in a row working a demolition site. it was ridiculously hard work. you wouldn't think it would be... like oh yeah, let's just knock down some walls! but no... it takes SO LONG to demolish a trailer! holy crap... by the 3rd day, i didn't think i was gonna make it... but here i am. i definitely stepped on a nail... am i up to date on my tetanus shots? hmmmm... probably something to look into i suppose.

we got to have lunch everyday with an elderly fellow named howard. he would tell us stories of his life... working in the coal mines, going to war, growing up in macdowell county & falling in love with his wife dorothy as we rested in the shade on his front porch eating our bagged lunches. we made an extra sandwich for him every day. on our last day with howard, i brought my guitar & we sang some songs for him. he said it reminded him of a radio station he used to listen to that played music. he began to cry, telling us how much of a blessing we were to him & how he doesn't really get to talk to people anymore. his wife died & his daughter only comes around when she needs something. it was incredibly hard to leave knowing that he wouldn't have company for lunch the next day.

mountain momma

"country roads take me home to the place i belong. west virginia. mountain momma. take me home. country roads." john denver

thanks john. you took the words right out of my mouth. in about 5 hours i'll be leaving for west virginia for a week. i'll be one of 7 leaders taking a group of about 20 some students on a missions trip.

and the crazy thing is, i just got back from a youth retreat about 12 hours ago.

i'm feeling a bit crazy, but also quite happy. the lord has been doing some amazing things the past few days with these students. my heart feels heavy & full with love. i'm excited to see what comes next.

just breathe

hey y'all... it's been a bit of a rough month. just a big roller coaster of emotions & changes. and the thing that i'm most afraid of has been creeping its way into my life: getting burnt out.

so i’m off at a cabin in jackson this weekend & the drive here was a great time for reflection. i drove for about 3-4 hours & threw on some aaron strumpel tunes. i really let the songs sink in deep. and as i was singing & looking out at the sky, i just began to weep. i felt like the lord was reopening my heart towards him & all the things that he cares about. i was remembering just how beautiful jesus’ way of life is.

i need to be spending more time in solitude with god so that i actually have something valuable to bring back to community. my love for other people, myself, simplicity, sharing, peace & service are all going to be fueled by & pour out of a real relationship with the lord.

vespers 1 & 2

so aaron strumpel came out with a new album this week and it is nothing short of inspiring. his creativity continues to evolve with each new work. many of the songs are like modern hymns.

please.

do yourself a favor.

click the link and go buy vespers 1 & 2.

it's only $5.

you could go get a value meal at burger king for that price.

this is far more valuable.

happy one month

well kids... today marks one freaking month.

it's weird because in some ways it feels like we've been dating WAY longer than a month... and in other ways it feels like, "dang! it's already been a month?"

good times, y'all.

some of you are probably starting to gag.

"is this blog just gonna be updates on this kid's love life?! screw this."

HEY! screw you! ok, wait... that was a little harsh. i'm sorry. listen... here's the thing. this girl i've been dating for the last month... she's (in the words of my mother) "sweet as pie. maybe sweeter."

so true momma. so FREAKING true.

so you see, i can't help but gush about her every little chance i get. especially here... the place where i come to blurt out all my thoughts. so just DEAL WITH IT!

k?

k.

happy one month manda.

and what a happy month it was.

enjoy these pictures from our 1 month celebration!

we invited marco to join in on the fun too :)

another sleepless night

wow... i do not understand why i can't sleep at night. sometimes i wonder if i was meant to live on the other side of the world where my night would be day. hmmmmm... nope. i'd probably find a way to switch my schedule around & stay up till ungodly hours of the night. there IS something about being awake this late (4:15am) though... so quiet & peaceful. my mind just comes to life. sometimes the day is so filled with stuff that i don't even think. i just shift into auto-pilot. which can be a good thing, and a bad thing. i was hanging out with manda earlier & i asked her what was on her mind. after she got done explaining, she asked me the same thing. and i realized at that moment that absolutely NOTHING was on my mind. again... not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. it felt kind of strange though... like, "am i dumb or something? i'm not even thinking right now. i'm just... here." but on the other hand i was able to really be present in that moment... i didn't have a billion things running through my mind. no....

i save that for the wee hours of the night :)

well here we go... my late night blurt session where i blurt out all the things that are on my mind!

common purse

yeah... so my roomies and i are starting a common purse. we are going to have one bank account between the 5 of us. we went to the bank today & started the process in motion... so crazy. i'm really excited though! this is such a huge step for us... in trust, discipline, sharing & love! DANG! this is going to change everything... i think this is the reason i originally moved into the hamline house. i was thinking about how i've always been taken care of and how i've always had more than enough. yet, there are people in the world who have nowhere near enough. for me, something was terribly wrong with this picture. and i had a hope that moving in with a bunch of other folks that were trying to learn more about what it means to follow jesus & to love people would help. well... here we are almost 2 years later and we're just now doing something about that. i mean, we've made some pretty significant changes to how we spend our time and money... but nothing like this. the people i live with are becoming my new family in every way. nobody will have too much and nobody will have too little. it's a beautiful thing :)

reba place

we have some folks visiting us this weekend from reba place, a community in chicago that's been around for 50+ years. this is super exciting too! natalie has totally done all the work of arranging this & making it possible and i don't think i've fully appreciated it until today. these folks are coming to have conversations with everyone from thirdway to help grow into the beautiful community that god wants us to be. they are going to help us see into the health of our community & give us advice & encouragement and they have the wisdom & experience to back it up. i have a feeling that this is going to be a huge blessing for us.

manda

oh come on... i know you're all just dying to hear more juicy details about the new lady in my life! haha... well again, i don't wanna just rant on & on about how much i like her (A LOT) and how beautiful she is (VERY) and how great things are going (AMAZING)... but hey what the heck! i like her a whole lot, she is smokin' hot (a healthy catch), and i couldn't be more happy. honestly. i couldn't. we fit together. it's corny to say, but all things corny are coming to mind and it's true!

we had out first kiss.

it was so special, and scary, and perfect.

the way a first kiss should be.

this one's a keeper folks.

sleep

it's time for me to sleep. sooooooooo late.

i love you blog fam!

night!